我以大量人像繪畫闡述著憂鬱伴隨我的創作歷程;以「解離」的症狀,敘述 「我」與世界的情感表現,張揚內心情緒性的具象表徵,並闡述繪畫與我的相互 關係;藉由「情緒隔離」轉換至「失自我感」,再進入「沒有意義」的迂迴。試 圖透過這樣的解釋,來找尋對自己創作脈絡下的基礎。

第一章,「緒論」,以自我面對生命的感悟出發,思考繪畫在於體現自我的想 法,並以「解離」的特徵闡述我所描述的心境內容,以捏造的想像去衡量我的內 心世界。第二章,「歡樂馬戲團」,以解離初期的身份認同混淆來描述我繪畫心 靈的狀態,切入「創造那些自己」與「殺死這些自己」。第三章,「情緒意志」, 在於解釋我的無感層面與自身心裡對照,在創作中顯現的不同思維。第四章,「分 析自己」,我將以罹患憂鬱症狀以來的人像繪畫,並敘述八個不同思維的轉換。 第五章,「結論」,我將檢視這些繪畫創作所引出的總結。

我以喃喃自語的口吻撰寫,依循繪畫所延生的風格,談論我患憂鬱以來的創 作,創作對我來說,就是「使自己屈服的坦白」。

I made a massive number of portrait paintings to elaborate ‘the symptoms of dissociation’ in this artist statement. The emotional expressions of ‘myself’ and the world characterized my inner feelings. In order to explain the relationship between me and the paintings, I try to use these paintings through interpretations such as ‘the emotional isolations’, ‘the loose of selves’, and ‘the meaningless circulations’. By doing so, I work to discover my own creative context.

In the first chapter, ‘Introduction’, I will explain the sentiment of facing life that made a thought of how paintings are the reflections of selves. I will also describe the content of sentiment with the characteristics of the dissociation, and measure my inner world with imitated imagination. In the second chapter, ‘Happy Circus’, I will describe the state of the soul of my paintings to express the confused identity dissociation through two series of paintings ‘Create those selves’ and ‘Destroy these selves’. In the third chapter ‘Emotional Will’, I will explain the contrast of the non-sense of me and my own heart, to express differential thoughts in the making of art. In the fourth chapter, ‘An Analysis about myself’, I will interpret my suffering from depression through the transformation through eight different thoughts. In the last chapter, ‘Conclusion’, I will make a summary on these massive number of portrait paintings.

With a mumbled tone, along with portrait paintings, I developed series of melancholy paintings in my personal visual interpretation. Making art to me is to ‘make myself succumb to my confession’.

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