這是一篇生命探究的自我敘說。

父親於三十多年前被一個犯罪集團誤殺，在我成長的歲月中，對於生命中無解的難題始終無法釋懷。我從未處理自己的哀傷，以致於對「死亡」存有極大的恐懼；起初我的論文主軸原先以研究父親遇害後，如何能藉著自我敘說的過程走出哀傷；我一直無法「直視」死亡帶給我的傷痛，剛開始是藉由「清理雜物」開啟敘說之路，但是，三年前大弟因過勞車禍去世，我再次陷入極大的傷痛之中，有幾度幾乎想要放棄往敘說之路前進。

敘說之路蜿蜒無盡頭，當我先越過「死亡」的議題，直到把年幼時在眷村生活的美好書寫出來，恍然發現生命中有許多正向、美好的事物在敘說過程不斷的出現；慢慢地，我才能以不同的視角回看有關父母及家人所有的面向。當我心理不斷地被愛充滿，並藉著與 神有親密禱告來往交通，漸漸就有勇氣去面對「死亡」帶給我的傷痛，並且願意處理生命最沈重的哀傷。

藉著書寫以及誠摯的禱告，我不斷整理自己的生命歷程，回顧兒時眷村的生活情景，對父親的思念不斷地湧出；整理母親的信件後，發現一個女性為了生存，在痛苦掙扎的過程裡，展現出生命極大的韌性；細數生命中的悲傷與苦難，我發現自己與父親、母親及手足的連結竟如此之深切。 神是光，在我們生命幽暗之處，祂照亮每一個角落，祂也是愛，將我們這個看似「破碎」的家，重新被「黏合」起來，使我們的傷痕可以慢慢地得著修復。

This is a self-narration of life inquiry.

My father was murdered by a criminal group more than 30 years ago. When I was growing up, I couldn't let go of the unsolvable problems in my life. I have never dealt with my grief, so that I have a great fear of "death." At first, the main focus of my thesis was to study how I can get out of grief through the process of self-narration after the death of my father; I have never been able to "look directly" at death. The self-narration was started by "cleaning up excessive items". However, three years ago, my younger brother died in a car accident due to overwork. I was again in great pain and almost wanted to give up self-narration.

The road of self-narration is winding and endless. When I skipped the topic of "death", I wrote about the beautiful childhood living in the military village. I suddenly realized that many positive and beautiful memories popped out during self-narration; Gradually I can look back at all aspects of my parents and family from a different perspective. When I was constantly filled with love, and through close prayers and fellowship with God, I gradually had the courage to face the pain caused by "death" and was willing to deal with the heaviest sorrow of life.

Through writing and praying sincerely, I kept sorting out my life course, looking back at the childhood life scenes in the military village and thoughts of my father pouring out; after sorting out my mother’s letters, I found that a woman was struggling to survive, showing the great resilience of life; Counting the sorrows and sufferings in life, I found that my connections with my parents and siblings are so deep. God is light. In the gloom of our lives, He illuminates every corner. He is also love. He will “bond” our “broken” home again so that our scars can be gradually repaired.

行政院國軍退除役官兵輔導委員會(2006)。戀戀眷村 深深情義。台北市：行政院國軍退除役官兵輔導委員會。
呂旭亞、李燕惠、林信男、梁信惠、張達人、張莉莉、陳秉華、曹中瑋、楊蓓、鄭玉英(2017)。靈性的呼喚—十位心理治療師的追尋之路。台北市：心靈工坊。
呂姍姍(2013)。脫下孝女的麻衣~一段反思我與父親關係之敘說研究(未出版之碩士論文)。國立新竹教育大學，新竹市。
易之新(譯) (2003a)。存在心理治療(上)死亡(原作者：Irvin D. Yalom)。台北市：張老師。(原著出版年：1980)
易之新(譯) (2003b)。存在心理治療(下)自由、孤獨、無意義(原作者：Irvin D. Yalom)。台北市：張老師。(原著出版年：1980)
張美惠(譯) (1969)。當綠葉緩緩落下(原作者：Kubler-Ross,E.)。台北市：張老師文化。(原著出版年：2005)
曾明材(2016)。台灣人在眷村：我的爸爸是老芋。台北市：允晨文化。
楊高俐理(譯) (2003)。標竿人生—建造目的導向的人生(原作者：華理克 Rick Warren)。台北市：使者出版社。
楊雅婷(2015)。從害怕到自由：關係的自我敘說(未出版之碩士論文)。國立新竹教育大學，新竹市。
趙家仁(2015)。人父、人師、人子—父職經歷之自我敘說(未出版之碩士論文)。國立新竹教育大學，新竹市。
劉瑪麗(2013)。父親的海葬與母親的寡婦樓—一個生命的敘說探究(未出版之碩士論文)。國立新竹教育大學，新竹市。
鄭惠文(2014)。遊戲要素融入國小寫作教學之行動研究(未出版之碩士論文)。國立新竹教育大學，新竹市。